


Only if it makes you happy

by CheyRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic Dean, Asexual Dean, M/M, Undecided time, after hell, kind of, mentions of torture, somewhat unrequited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7164656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyRain/pseuds/CheyRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Because I’m in love with you,” he whispered, eyes intent on the other leaving the room who hesitated, holding the door knob. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember and it k-, it kills me to know you don’t feel the same, that you can’t feel the same.” His voice broke, tears beginning to run carelessly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only if it makes you happy

“Because I’m in love with you,” he whispered, eyes intent on the other leaving the room who hesitated, holding the door knob. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember and it k-, it kills me to know you don’t feel the same, that you can’t feel the same.” His voice broke, tears beginning to run carelessly. “Everytime I see you it hurts because I can’t touch you, can’t hold you, can’t kiss you. God, do I want to kiss you, hold you, protect you. But you won’t let me. You can’t let me. Because of what they did to you. You can’t let me love you. Damn it, why won’t you try?”  
The other was shaking a bit and he could hear little gasping breaths. “Will you at least look at me? I’m not trying to hurt you! I just need you to know! To understand! I need you to let me try to treat you the way you deserve to be treated!”

The other swung around in anger and teary eyes met, the other’s filled with anger while his filled with desperation, “Deserve? Deserve? Goddamn it! I deserve to be alone! I deserve this! I deserve worse than this! Why do you have to push so Goddamn hard, huh? Why can’t you leave well enough alone!?”

“You call this well enough-"

“I’m not fucking done! You had your chance to talk now shut your cakehole and pay attention! I hurt people, Cas! I tortured them! And I liked it! I broke after only 30 years! I tortured innocent people, people who did not deserve to be tortured! I deserve to be tortured! I deserve bad things! I deserve to be alone!”

“Well, what about what I deserve, Dean? Don’t I deserve to be loved? Don’t I deserve to be happy, to have the chance to try? You wanted to know why I bothered, and to tell you the truth sometimes I don’t know, but then you smile, or you hide things to protect Sam’s feelings and I fall all over again. I’m filled with so many feelings, Dean, that I don’t understand, but I do understand that I would do anything for you, anything except let you be unhappy, Dean Winchester. Because I deserve to be able to make you happy.”

Dean stood there, shaking, hands clenched at his sides as he searched for something else to say. Castiel watched him for a moment before his voice softened and he stepped closer, raising a hand to Dean’s face. “I love you,” he whispered, wiping a tear away with his thumb as his own tear filled eyes stared into the other’s. “I love you so much, Dean. Why can’t you just accept that?” Dean leaned forward with a sob, pulling Castiel into a tight hug, his hands clenching onto the trench coat as Dean cried into his shoulder.

“Oh Dean, I love you. I love you so so much. I’ve got you.” Castiel whispered comforting Dean as he rocked him slightly. They stood there for a while, holding one another, even after the tears ended.

“I don’t know if I can love you the way you love me, but I do love you.” Dean muttered into Castiel’s shoulder, voice strained from crying. “I do want to be held, loved and protected, but I always feel so guilty and so shamed. Why do I get a second chance for this? What have I ever done to warrant this? I don’t want to feel this anymore, Cas. I don’t want to feel anything anymore, ‘cause it hurts too Goddamn much.”

“I know, Dean, I know. I’ve got you.” Castiel murmured back. Eventually they leaned back, arms still loosely wrapped around each other. Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Castiel’s. Castiel melted into the kiss, following Dean as he leaned away, seeking more kisses. Dean huffed out a laugh and Castiel opened his eyes to look at him, wondering distantly when he closed them.

“Does that make you happy?” Dean whispered.

“Only if it makes you happy.”


End file.
